So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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