I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
