he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
