Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
