the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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