Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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