WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I want her autograph on my taint
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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