All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
