before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
