Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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