Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
