Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
