hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
