how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The Olympian is in my bed
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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