false alarm. still invincible.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize