i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
