yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
