if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
