you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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