i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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