I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
