:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
