I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
