since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
