Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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