I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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