I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
