im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
