he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
