I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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