I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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