I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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