guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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