you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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