I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
