I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
