The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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