BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize