I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
