sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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