Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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