Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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