Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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