i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
