This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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