dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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