Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
