I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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