Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
