K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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