my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize