Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
