do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
