We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
