and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
