oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
