Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
