he wants to bone in the snuggie
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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