I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
