You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
