that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
His nipple licking is glorious
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