Your dad touched me again.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
