The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
