I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I would fuck him just for his dog
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