she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
