So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
