so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
